I desperately want to learn how to bake as well as how to cook. I would start to study how to cook tomorrow or the next day. I could only cook hotdog, egg, fries, noodles. I feel an odd feeling creeping over my body. I mean, I am old enough to be independent in some ways. Maybe baking is not for me for now, because it needs lots of materials and needs to buy lots of ingredients. I don’t want my mom to waste money just for my desire. I couldn’t also tell now if I could excel in that aspect. But yes, I want to learn those things….. on the right time. 

I never had the chance to talk to you about serious stuffs. I never had the chance to tell you how much you mean to me. I never had the chance to tell you how thankful and grateful I am. I never had the chance to show you how concern I am. I never had the chance to let you know that I am proud to be your sister. I never had the chance to give you my deepest sympathy for the wrong things I have done. I never had the chance to say I love you or any sweet messages or lines. But, you know what, if I had the chance to tell you all about these things, I would surely grab it with no hesitation. I wish you feel the same way too. 

You are all aware about the rumors about Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga is an Anti-Christ. I strongly disagree with that. Yes, she influences other people, probably also me, but not in negative way. They say that in some music video, there are some signs that belong to evil and the reason why other people protest is because they don’t want us-Filipino to be influenced by her. Then, basically, we have problem regarding to our faith or how much we believe in God. If we have strong faith in God, we would never let anyone influence us to do such evil things. But honestly speaking, I don’t believe that Lady Gaga is an Anti-Christ. People are just being literally nosy and not being open-minded at all. I don’t know how to describe them either. Judas, the most controversial music ever, isn’t about honoring, praising and believing Judas, it’s about as I watched it, Lady Gaga knows God but she can’t stop herself on doing things that are unpleasant, she used the word Judas because she knows that Judas is bad and against God. “I’m in love with Judas” doesn’t literally mean, that she loves Judas, she’s trying to say that she’s loving doing unpleasant things.

Some things are not just meant for you, accept it. Stop holding on for you not to be disappointed. It’s not terrible to believe that certain things will come true but if you knew that you’ve tried your ultimate best and still things aren’t happening just let it be. You should not waste your time running for the things that are not suited for you. It’s like wearing pair of shoes that are not compatible with your bare feet. This can even cause you to be depressed because of thinking so much about this shitty thing. Find for the better one. There’s still a whole lot more waiting for you but you are blinded by your naked eyes. Try to open your mind and never let it covered up by those demonic creatures. Every dream must be done step by step until you reach the peak of your goal.

Yesterday, out of nowhere, a sudden thought burst in my mind. I am planning to say all these things to my Mom on her birthday, it will be on August 24(2 days before my birthday), quite far. Going back to the subject, let’s start in the beginning, I saw a little quiet girl playing outside the compound with her mom, I found her pretty awesome, I can see in their actions etc how much they love each other. I used to be like that when I was a kid, I used to be so quiet, I never wanted to go anywhere and hang out with someone else until late at night, I never tried to disappoint my Mom and give her reason to feel devastated at all. I used to be a sweet, thoughtful, kind daughter to my Mom like giving her letter whenever I see her feeling sad, yes, ask her, I used to do that. I never thought I would be like this, honestly. I know how disappointed and upset my mom that time. I just wish that it’s not too late. I am absolutely flabbergasted with who I am now. I changed a lot. I changed into something messy. I freaked out and I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to be a brat anymore. I know I am a brat, and I will try not to be like that anymore. I am sorry Ma, I love you. I’m going to change for you.

Weird to say, I don’t know how to describe myself sometimes. I am the best definition of the word bipolar. Maybe you’re the one who is capable to introduce myself to me. I mean, when I am with my friends especially when I am with my best friend, I am full of energy, I have bunch of confidence inside my pocket, I am stupid all the time doing some shits. I am totally freaked out. Well, I sometimes do when I am with my family and relatives but not most of the time because I am pretty sure that they’re gonna tell me to stop messing with things. When I am with someone I don’t really know, I absolutely look like an angel (I look innocent), for your information, I feel shy whenever I am with someone I don’t know that much, sometimes I am kind of shaking, and I overthink.

BUT, a big BUT, I am not even trying to be someone else or being plastic etc etc. Maybe you should tell me? Maybe we are in the same situation? Maybe we feel the same way? 

Yes, I read books. I cannot say I am a bookworm or whatever, but I love the feeling every time I read, every time I enter a new fantastic world, every time I finish reading. When I read, I feel awestuck simply because the book is stupendous and even if it is darn long, you won’t feel sort of tedious to read it. So, to tell you what, I adore all the writers, I was just wondering what if I had their superbrains(genius)? I am sure that would be great. But I know, I could only wish and dream. 

Dear writers with superbrains,

Thanks so much for making novels and publish it for us readers to enter a new world, I love you to bits!! Monique

FOREVER is a big word that people nowadays believe in. Do we have to believe that there is forever? Or we are being too desperate to believe that people don’t change, feelings don’t fade and people you love will be there for you all the time? MAYBE, sometimes we have to believe that nothing lasts forever or MAYBE, if you really want to be a product of the so-called forever, you must willing to fight for someone and have the guts to take the risk.

I concede. I was supposed to create a post about “going to school in a few weeks”,  but I decided to go to someone’s blog. Just to take a look. Then, I saw it. 

May 9. I was waiting for her to go online. Bad thing, I felt kind of sleepy at around 11 pm so I decided to just leave a message on her facebook. It says “HAPPY.” Without emoticons, without haha/i love you/i miss you or anything. Then, a day after, I checked my account, seeing no message from her. I was a bit disappointed because I thought she already forget it. Then, I saw her blog. Roderick was staring at me pala then he asked me why am I crying. Tapos I answered him naman. Ehh kasi. Namimiss na kita. Haha.

ATE:) sorry, nagtampo ako. Hahahahaha arte ko ‘no. Mag-aartista na talaga ako! Siguro next week. HAHA. I love you :) miss you so much!! Ingat ka dyan. Ang lekileki ha, baka laging pawis. =))

Yes, it is their responsibility to work, to go to their office, business and so whatever to make money so they can feed you, let you go to a good school, to pay for your internet, give you chocolates, give you expensive clothes to wear, give you what you want and need. But it’s not about that. They work all day and night for you, because they love their children so much to the point that even if they are so tired, they wouldn’t mind it, all they would think is to work, work, work and work. Look, they have given you everything, they have sacrificed everything for you. You’re too busy doing some-not-important stuff and you haven’t noticed that they’re getting old. It’s harder to realize all these things when they are gone. Be sensitive enough. Be matured. All you have to do is love them, respect them - simple things that would mean everything to them.